im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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