I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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