I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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