I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
