it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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