If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
