I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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