i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
