what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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