I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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