i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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