I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.