Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.

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  (434): I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach. http://tfl.nu/7n8a
  Replies (14) Good night (4073) Bad night (618)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

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  (610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace. http://tfl.nu/hmhd
  Replies (48) Good night (7604) Bad night (1078)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Four minutes until I can fart!

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  (985): Four minutes until I can fart! http://tfl.nu/u0vh
  Replies (11) Good night (1137) Bad night (3340)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

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  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6322) Bad night (897)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

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  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8697) Bad night (1070)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?

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  (816): at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea? http://tfl.nu/mw1i
  Replies (13) Good night (3319) Bad night (980)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

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  (484): we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song. http://tfl.nu/huqy
  Replies (10) Good night (4662) Bad night (787)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.

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  (913): Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move. http://tfl.nu/e9ea
  Replies (6) Good night (4751) Bad night (871)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.

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  (561): They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment. http://tfl.nu/ozel
  Replies (7) Good night (1305) Bad night (2193)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

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  (859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio
  Replies (43) Good night (1241) Bad night (3428)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over

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  (732): the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over http://tfl.nu/4t6t
  Replies (8) Good night (3147) Bad night (596)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles

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  (508): I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles http://tfl.nu/zr9b
  Replies (18) Good night (3429) Bad night (633)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.

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  (641): I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck. http://tfl.nu/aulp
  Replies (3) Good night (1459) Bad night (475)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.

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  (860): I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green. (860): Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green. http://tfl.nu/a7td
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (486)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later

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  (414): Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later http://tfl.nu/j0j8
  Replies (3) Good night (438) Bad night (447)

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