If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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