I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed