a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
