question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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