Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
