Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
