apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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