I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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