remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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