I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So much rum. So many feels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
