Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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