I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
