More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
