i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
