they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
