My hair reeks of homosexuality.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
