once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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