The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
