dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
