His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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