maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
