What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
not ubering you a puppy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
