you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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