Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
mondays should just be called national damage control day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
