And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
