party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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