i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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