Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
