I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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