i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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