I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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