I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
