We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
