girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
