just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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