And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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