what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
