i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
