I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
