u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
