Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
