it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
