I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
