I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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