6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
