I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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