I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
