the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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