Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
