How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
