My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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