that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
