sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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