If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
