I am spending my child support on dildos
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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