We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
