ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
