So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
