So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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