I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
