imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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