All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
